Selene Silverwind

I spent my early life searching for something to believe in. Although I was raised Catholic, I realized at a young age that none of the mainstream religions carried the answers I sought. I embarked on a search to discover the belief system that was right for me and researched a variety of exotic religions including Zen Buddhism, Zoroastrianism, Atheism, and others, but none of them called to me.

Eventually I gave up my search altogether and decided to just live my life and not worry about God. This was not as satisfying as I had hoped. At about 18, I stumbled across a book on Wicca, a nature religion that encompasses witchcraft and falls under the Neopagan umbrella. I had always been fascinated by the occult realm and when I read Scott Cunningham's book Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner it suddenly all made sense. I had found the faith I had been seeking all along.

One of the tenets of Wicca is the belief in multiple Goddesses and Gods. I recalled that even as a child I had wondered what had happened to the Greek Gods. I hadn't been able to understand why people had worshipped them once, but now no longer believed in them. I had briefly tried to worship them as a child, but, being a child, lost interest in it quickly.

Wicca revived those ancient Gods and I resumed my childhood quest. The more I read, the more it all made sense. As I continued to study, I felt my soul click into place. The religion had a beauty and simplicity to it that appealed to me. In Wicca, we adopt the practices that fit our lifestyles and personal beliefs. There are a wide variety of traditions within Wicca to choose from or we can create our own traditions. It's kind of do-it-yourselfer religion, something an individual like me craved.

While Wiccans worship the Lord and Lady, we also work with them to attain our goals. The ethic of personal responsibility is held in very high esteem by most Wiccans. We can ask the Goddess or God for help, and they will, but we cannot just dump something in their laps and expect them to take care of it for us. They are there to support us, not to serve us.

One day I realized that being a Witch had begun to define me. I think of myself as a Witch before I think of myself as a writer, lover, friend, or daughter. Being Pagan has slowly taken over my life and given it meaning in a way that nothing else had or has so far. It has changed the way I view the world and how I experience the passage of time and change. I have finally found the peace I had long sought.

Discovering I was a Witch, for it was more a discovery than a decision, was like going home. I finally had a place to belong, a place where there are people like me, where my beliefs made sense to other people. The beauty of the religion amazes me everyday. Our traditions and practices encourage us to be individuals within our community. We all have different areas of interest and share those interests with each other. We also love and support each other however we can. Being a Witch and being a part of that community is like having a village, a family, a support group, and a secret club all rolled into one. There is a level of trust inherent within the community, especially among those who work together often.

I began to notice how being a Witch had altered my existence and deeply affected my life. I found my relationship with my mother had improved. We are now good friends and I consider her a close confidante and advisor, in addition to being my mother. This change is due in large part to the fact that my Circle is composed of women ranging in age from 25 to 50, and my friendship with women the same age as my mother allowed me to finally see my mother as a woman first and foremost. My Circle respects me as having wisdom and worthy experiences, regardless of my young age. Being Wiccan also created a deep enough level of self-esteem and picture of my own self-worth, that I realized I had begun to actually love myself and was truly deeply happy with my life. This happiness and self-love spilled over into all aspects of my life.

I recently visited Salem, Massachusetts for Samhain (Halloween) which is one of our eight sabbats (holidays). While all the sabbats are of equal importance, Samhain (pronounced Sow-en) is perhaps the biggest day of the year for us. It is at this time that we are most able to explain our views to others. Salem hosts the biggest Samhain celebration of them all, much like New Orleans and Mardi Gras. When I was in Salem I felt very comfortable. I didn't feel the need to be wary of what others heard me say or worry that others would think me strange.

Later on the trip, I attended a ritual hosted by the new coven of two friends from my Lodge in Los Angeles who had recently moved to Massachusetts. Everyone there welcomed me openly; hugs were given immediately; and I was instantly accepted as one of them. I was invited to participate in the ritual and afterwards joined in celebrating the new year. (Samhain is our day of the dead as well as our New Year's Eve.) I gave seven tarot readings that night, mostly to people whom I had never met before in my life, but who trusted my abilities as a reader.

Certainly being a Witch has other perks, like the ability to do magic, but that is not what drew me to Wicca first. It was the beliefs, the warmth I feel with the Goddess and God, the joy I feel on the Sabbats, and the way we act in accordance with nature and the universe. Everyday I learn something new from the others in my community that fills my heart with joy. These are my people and this is my home.